SUBAH SUBAH ---- DIMAAG KA DAHI……………

SUBAH SUBAH ---- DIMAAG KA DAHI……………


You know how you get up on the right side of your bed, are feeling wonderful, think its gonna be a damn beautiful day and suddenly, your big toe hits the edge of the bed and starts bleeding. You run to the tap, leaving a bloody trail behind, but there’s no water from the faucet; neither is there any in the buckets. You run to find some cotton, but “yeah” its over. So, you grab the morning paper and push the nail back into its place and staunch the blood. Not that, this makes the paper any bloodier than it already was, when it got outta the printing press! Well, This didn’t happen to me, but something at par.

Morning Morning Dimaag ka dahi….I read the head lines of TOI.
HC bans adult films on Cable. In effect, no film with a U/A or A certificate can be telecasted on television!! That means even a kiddie film like Harry potter, which has probably less violence than 5 minutes of WWF can’t be shown on the screen. That means 3/4th of the movies shown on HBO, Star Movies will be barred. Or even if it does reach our screens, it will be at the censor boards discretion. Scissors will run havoc. That does not mean that we have been treated to violence, brutal dialogues and porn on screen till today. It just means that now every thing on TV is just for Kids, nothing for the adults. I think Television makers in INDIA who make TVs with child-lock should be banned too. They are not required. In act they would infuriate the adults. It’s like mocking a starving, desolate man with a tandoori chicken-leg piece!!This situation is so sad. I mean I can’t imagine a word except SAD. And the people who passed this as SADISTS. I am beginning to wonder - if this is a democracy, god help people under other regimes. For today, I am being told what to watch and when. For today, parents are being given no benefit of doubt. Yeah, parents have no control on their kids, it seems. Isn’t it the prerogative of a parent to bring up his/her child in the way he/she seems fit. But now the supreme government has become the Parent and cares of each and every child. Parents should go to court and tell them to pay for their children’s schooling aswell! For today, I am being seen as a culpable child and am easily drawn towards mayhem, nudity, sex and smoking. As if the statutory warning on the cigarette packet was not enough, on-screen smoking will be banned from JAN 1. Blessed is this nation of Hypocrites and imbeciles. Tomorrow, your seniors will be banned from smoking because they are your idols and you look up to them. Tomorrow, you will be told to smoke in the bathroom and not in front of your child. There would be surprise raids and if you were seen violating this, you would have to dress like a joker and entertain every child in the neighborhood, for the next 13 months. Yes, tomorrow is so beautiful. You wont be allowed to roam around in your city with a girl. If caught, clutching the hand of a girl in public, you would be slapped LIVE on Television and be converted into Thakur of Sholay. Probably the girl would be termed as a prostitute and would be raped by a policeman, Live.This would be seen as a lesson for all those who dare show their affection in public. Girls would be told, what to wear and when. Because in this country every man is seen as a libidinous being, who only wants one thing when he sees a girl and every girl is seen as a Prostitute if she is bold enough to show her navel. Slowly but surely, we will become Pakistan. Where only religious channels and channels for and with children will exist and girls would have to wear burkhas. Guys will have to wear those things that Horses wear on streets, so that we look just in the front and don’t turn left, right and center to cast our lecherous eyes on burkha laden girls. Yes, tomorrow is beautiful in INDIA. A democracy that was……….

Dent-o-rama

Being my first Blog, I will play safe. You will find a 1000-rupee note in ur mailbox within 2 days of reading this blog verbatim!!! and as long as I am making insane claims, might as well deliver a Merc into ur courtyard within a week!!!



Travails :

About a month back I bought a SWIFT. That day, after I parked my car into my building, BMC officials decided to dig up the whole road in front of my building. It is amazing how BMC works with such amazing alacrity when you least require it. Whereas the petition, about a request to clear up the garbage from our vicinity remains unanswered for 4 months now. Thanks to Brihanmumbai Mismanaged Corp, I wasn’t able to drive the car for 15 days from the day of delivery. Meanwhile the children of our building used it as a board to draw a few pictures on the dust that had settled on it and few found scratching it amusing.

You know how U go out for the first drive and you are enjoying the power of the Power steering, the power windows and suddenly a cyclist conveniently compels you to test your power brakes and still manages to scrape the side of the car, giving the car its first dent. Well, that happened to me. My mom consoled me by saying that it was good Shagun “omen” and now the car had a black mark to prevent it from evils and omens!!! I wud rather have an invisible ghost sitting in my car!!!

The very next day BMC was at it again. They left an open Man-hole and while I tried to maneuver my car through the pile of garbage, the pile of stones of the dug –up road, the boulders subdividing one side of the road and the parked cars, my left tyre found the man-hole!!! Chaar kandhon ki zaroorat padi , in the very first month of my car, to get it outta that Hole. Good I didn’t have to take it to the mortuary.

The other day I parked my car in a mall and came back to find a dent on its right side. Left as a mark of friendship from the owner of the car who parked right beside me, I presume. His cars door must have gone insane seeing my car and would be so in love with it , that when the fat owner might have tried to get into the car, it might have taken the opportunity to bang n kiss my cars door.

Swiftly my car has acquired so many black marks that I hope I would have bought a black car instead of a silver one, becos in the end , its gonna be black anyways!!!

I would like to start a petition. This one will work probably becos we wont send it to the BMC!! We will send it to the legal authority of India. Oof… well think positively guys!!

The clauses.

1) The right of an owner of a new car, to be allowed to squash a cyclist, who inadvertently and conveniently comes in its way...

2) The right of an owner of a new car, to be allowed to personally spank the children who are naïve and devilish enough to take the car for a slate! OR if the parents are ready to beat them up instead!!

3) The right of an owner of a new car, to be allowed to smash up the car of a person who as much as kisses any part of the new car.

4) The right of all the members of a society, to be allowed to shit in the premises of the BMC headquarters if their petition to pick up the garbage in their locality falls on deaf ears.

5) The right of an owner of a new car, to be allowed to shoot at sight any contractor who has made pot-ridden roads.

6) The right to write a crappy blog and still be able to be appreciated!!! :P